Questions That Help Your Child Open Up About School

“How was your day?” is a big, broad question that doesn’t leave much room for anything but big, vague answers. If you’ve ever asked your child that question about school and gotten a one-word answer like “fine” or “good” in response, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common frustrations parents share. You want to know what’s really going on in your child’s world, but the question itself isn’t productive in getting a real answer.

For a child who has just spent six or seven hours managing academics, friendships, rules, and their own emotions, it can also feel like one more thing being asked of them right when they’re tired and ready to decompress.

Specific questions do two things a vague one can’t: they show your child that you’re genuinely curious about the details of their day, and they give their brain a concrete memory to reach for instead of asking them to summarize an entire day in one breath.

Here are a few better questions to try that can open the door to more details:

• “What made you laugh today?” 
• “Who did you sit with at lunch?” 
• “What was the hardest part of your day?” 
• “Did anything happen today that made you feel left out, worried, or upset?” 
• “What’s something you’re looking forward to at school tomorrow?” 
• “Tell me one thing you learned that you didn’t know before.” 
• “Did a teacher or classmate say anything to you that stuck with you today?”

Other things to take into consideration when asking your child about their day is picking your moment. The car ride home, dinner, or bedtime tend to work better than the second your child walks in the door, when they may just need a few minutes to decompress first. Asking more than one question at a time can also overwhelm your child. Listening more than you talk and paying attention to patterns are also critical pieces of these conversations. One bad day is normal, but if your child consistently struggles to name anything positive, avoids talking about school altogether, or repeatedly mentions dreading going, that pattern is worth paying closer attention to.

If just getting your child to school has become a daily battle, or if you’re noticing ongoing struggles with behavior, academics, or emotional wellbeing, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone. Care Management Organizations (CMOs) exist to help families in exactly this situation. If you’re a New Jersey family looking for support, you can find your local Care Management Organization here.